she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
