Betty ford says i'm here all night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize