i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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