Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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