"it" just moved
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize