Your dad touched me again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
