My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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