So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
