were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
