There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
