Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think my moral compass just broke
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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