i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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