Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
