dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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