saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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