so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
