PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
