Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
