I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
