i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
