they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
