Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize