Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
