You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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