Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my liver is dry heaving
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
