my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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