if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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