A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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