Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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