He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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