it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
