As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
