I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
