I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
