he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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