We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
