Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
