I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
