Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize