wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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