Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
