Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
