The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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