she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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