Don't you send me to vm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
