there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
