how can u be prego again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
