he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
