i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
