Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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