the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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