Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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