K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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