Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
