Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
