All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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