The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
These tits shall not be calmed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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