you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
