I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
