So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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