Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
