If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
