If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
