Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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