He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
