I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
