3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
